hackBOREDOM
by Dragon's Return
Summary: Join the .hackers on their days of boredom! Repost of my old story, .hackRaNdOmNeSs.
1. Flamer

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that has to do with .hack or Furbies...  
  
A/N: Hello. This story was posted up in Script Format once before, but since they made this rule or whatever, I'm re-writing it.  
  
**I DO NOT HAVE SPELL CHECK!**  
  
ALSO, I AM NOT GOOD AT WRITING HUMOR LIKE THIS! You've been warned, this might sound like some person who...I dunno, doesn't mean it or whatever...like I'm just doing this for no reason, or to bore you. But I really love .hack and only want you to enjoy! If it's really that bad, I'll remove it. Oh yeah, this is sorta AU, since they are living in a house together, in the real world. But they are still our lovable cast!  


  
_.hackBOREDOM_  
FLAMER

Tsukasa was standing infront of those swirly hypnotist thingy and talking in a very serious tone. "Hello and welcome to the wonderful world of bunnies. What you are about to see may shock and may even make you scream, "OH MY GOD!". But who knows. Today on the wonderful world of Bambi, we will be showing you a day of boredem. Be afraid. Be very afraid. You have now entered...The Wonderful World of Ballet..." Scary Twilight Zone music started to play as Tsukasa sang along. "Dododododod- OW!!!"  
  
"What are you doing?" Mimiru asked, poking him with her sword.  
  
"DO NOT INTERRUPT THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF BLUE BIRDS!" Tsukasa screamed, slapping the sword away, only to cut his hand. "Ow...Damn you, he who made pointy things!"  
  
"So...Why can't I interrupt your 'magical world'?" She asked, poking him again.  
  
"Because..."  
  
"Because why?"  
  
"Because their power. It's slipping away. And they are crying...CAN YOU NOT HEAR THEIR TEARS OF SORROW!!" Tsukasa fell to his knees and started to bang the floor. "OH WHAT CRUEL FATE HAS BROUGHT THIS UPON YOU, WONDERFUL WORLD OF BOBA!"  
  
"Who's Boba?" Mimiru asked, now poking his head.  
  
"Stop poking me. I comand you. WE MUST SAVE THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF BABIES!"  
  
BT just then appeared in a magical cloud of sparkles. "I, Gaia, the spirit of Earth, give five magic ring to five special young people!" She said, throwing five 99 cent rings into the air. "We must go, Tsukasa! Go to save the babies!"  
  
"WE MUST GO!" Tsukasa yelled at Crim and Bear, who were sitting on the couch watching TV.  
  
"No..." Both replied.  
  
"But...the baboons..." Tsukasa said on the verge of crying.  
  
"I, Gaia, the spirit of the Earth, says we must the Baboons." BT demanded.  
  
"Don't play along with him!" Bear replied. "You remember the last time we played his game?"  
  
---Flashback---  
  
"BLOW UP THE CAT!" Tsukasa yelled, pointing his staff at a little grey cat.  
  
"WHY SHOULD I BLOW UP MR. FLUFFERS!?!" Crim cried.  
  
"Because I can revive him, silly-willy gumdrop head!"  
  
"Oh...Really? In that case...!" Crim pushed a trigger...  
  
---End Flashback---  
  
"I hope Mr. Fluffers is in a better place..." Crim sighed.  
  
"AAAH!!" Bear yelled jumping off the couch.  
  
"What?! WHAT?!"  
  
"My Subaru sense are tingleing...!!!"  
  
Subaru just then burst through the door. "HELLO EVERYONE!!!"  
  
"NOOO!!! WHY HAVE YOU RETURNED!!!" Crim said, grabbing his spear. "BEGON, YOU SPAWN OF THE DEVIL!!!"  
  
'They're on to me!' Subaru thought to herself. "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" She jumped onto the couch and started singing Fake Wings. "Shine...bright morning light..."  
  
"Damn, we'll never get her now..." Bear moaned.  
  
"Can we go save the Bass now?" Asked Tsukasa.  
  
"NOOOO!!!"  
  
"Awwwwww, but why?" He begged, putting on a "Pul-WEEZ" type face.  
  
"I, Gaia, the spirit of the Earth, says, yes, It is time to save the Bass." BT/Gaia said, making both her and Tsukasa disappear within a poof of magic sparkels. Just then, the fireplace came to life and gave a demonic laugh.  
  
Bear's mouth dropped to the floor. "Dude, the fireplace is talking to us. We've gotta make... CONTACT!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a mini Ouija Board.  
  
"Do we have to?" Asked Crim.  
  
"Yes! See, he is getting angry!" Bear pointed to the Fireplace, who was still laughing.  
  
"Quick!" Subaru said in tune with Fake Wings. "Poke him with a stick!"  
  
So Crim picked up his spear and jabbed the Fireplace, causing it to pop. Bear stared in horror as the flames died out. "No! YOU KILLED HIM!" Bear cried, falling to the ground. "NOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
Sora decided to jump into the room at that very moment. "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" Sora greeted, sounding like a pirate. He looked around. "What are you all doing?"  
  
"We're bored..." Crim replied, sighing.  
  
"We...all are bored..." Sang Subaru.  
  
"Is BT here? It's time for her daily killing." Everyone shook their heads no. "Okay, I'll be on my way then." Said Sora before he bounced out of the room.  
  
"Can I ask a Question?" Ginkan, who has been hiding in the corner this entire time, asked.  
  
"You just did..." Replied Mimiru.  
  
"Can I ask another Question?"  
  
"You didn't give us much choice there, bub."  
  
Ginkan thought about how he could confuse the Heavyblade. "I got it!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a doggie treat. "Here Mimiru! Here Girl! Fetch the Doggie Treat!" Mimiru jumped with glee and followed the direction in which the doggie biscut was tossed. "Now, why is it that in American, they call me 'Silver Knight'? Aren't they all...Silver?"  
  
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Screamed Subaru, jumping off the couch and running up to Ginkan. "You dare doubt me?! I say sir, this means war!" She took off her glove which appeared on her hand from nowhere and slapped Ginkan across the face before calming herself down. "No, they are not all Silver. They are Gray! Get it? G-R-A-Y! No, not that stupid G-R-E-Y version of Gray."  
  
"I think they should be Crismon!" Crim spoke up. "Or Scarlet! Just a nice shade of red, y'know?"  
  
"They should be Blue. Ginkan, be a dear and fetch the Crismon/Scarlet Knights for me?" Subaru asked, patting Ginkan on the cheek. He nodded and left as Mimiru just entered the room.  
  
"I'm still hungry..." Mimiru moaned, walking up to Bear. "Get me something to eat."  
  
"Why?" Asked Bear.  
  
"Because if you don't..." Mimiru's eyes began to fill up with tears. "I'll cry..."  
  
"Eat Later. It's time to make CONTACT!" Bear yelled, holding up his Oujia board.  
  
Subaru looked around the room. "Um, ooh, I wish I could, but I need to get the paint!" She lied, quickly dashing out of the room.  
  
"NO! COME BACK! WE NEED FOUR PEOPLE!"  
  
Crim and Mimiru looked at eachother, then back at Bear. "Oh, look at the time." They both said in unison, but before they could finish, Bear had tied them down to the floor. "Hey! That's Cheap!"  
  
"I know." Bear said with a smile. He snapped his fingers and Kite fell from the sky, face first onto the floor. "We have four people now!"  
  
Kite lifted himself up and looked around. "Where am I? Who are you? Who am I?" But before any of his questions could be answered, he was holding hands with Crim and Mimiru, making a circle of the four of them.  
  
Bear started off with a low hum, the suddenly stood up and began dancing around the board, clapping his hands. "Heya-oohie-ooohie-ooohie-ey-oohie! Ooohie-Hey-ooohie!!" He chanted, but to no avail, as the Oujia board is just a peice of cardboard.  
  
"What's he doing?" Asked Kite to Mimiru, who just shrugged in reply.  
  
The door bursted open and their stood BT and Tsukasa holding tons of batteries. "We have saved the Batteries!" Tsukasa announced.  
  
"And It was all thanks to I, Gaia, the Spirit of the Earth." BT added.  
  
"TSUKASA!" Kite yelled, standing up.  
  
Tsukasa dropped his batteries. "KITE!" The ran to eachother and began jumping up and down and acting like little school girls.  
  
"There goes are fourth memeber." Crim said, letting out a little chuckle.  
  
"But...but...but....We need to make CONTACT!" Bear yelled, waving his Oujia board.  
  
"We don't NEED too, we WANT too." Mimiru rolled her eyes. "When will adults learn..."  
  
Bear looked confused. "But we all want too, right?"  
  
"NO WE DON'T!" Kite, Crim and Mimiru screamed together.  
  
"If we were to make contact..." BT said, putting her finger to her chin. "We'd have to... LET OUR POWERS COMBINE!"  
  
"Earth!" Bear said.  
  
"Fire!" Crim added.  
  
"Wind!" Mimiru stated.  
  
"Water!" Kite announced.  
  
"Heart!" Tsukasa finished. (A/N: Yeah, fear the manying endings...)  
  
"GO PLANET!" They all cheered at once as the lights began to form a shape in the sky. The Lights formed the body of...Elk!  
  
"When you powers combine, I am Cap- AAAAH!!! WHERE IS MIA?!" Elk said, looking around the room for his kitty while the others sang,  
  
"Captain Elky! He's our Hero! Gonna keep those Aro zones very...um...Near-o!"  
  
"Speaking of Aromatic..." Elk reached into his pocket, took out some and began smoking it. "Aaaaaaaaaaah...even though this has Macha's memory in it, it's still the best grass around..." Just as the dothackers had finished their song, Ginkan walked in with the Crimson/Scarlet Knights.  
  
"Goodie!" Subaru pointed at the Knights. "Grab a bush, it's painting time!" So everyone in the room picked up a blue paintbrush and began painting the Knights. Ginkan, however, was painted pink. After a few hours, all of the Knights were now a nice shade of baby-blue. "There!" Subaru said with a smile. "Now you all have color!"  
  
"We HAD color before..." Moaned one Random Crimson/Scarlet Knight.  
  
"BEGON!" Was Subaru's replied, lifting her hand and turning the Random Knight into ashes. "You all look so pretty now! Now leave! All of you! You can stay Ginkan/Silver Knight/Now Pink Knight." So the Crimson/Scarlet/Baby-Blue Knights headed out the door way, leaving a happy Subaru.  
  
"Oh, wow..." Crim said from the back. "I got paint on my shirt."  
  
The entire room gasped as Subaru, Mimiru and Ginkan ran to Crim, patting him on his back and hugging him. "It's okay, everything is gonna be just fine!" Each of them said.  
  
"Guys, it's okay really. I just need help washing my shirt." Crim told the girls...and guy, trying to escape their death hugs.  
  
"Shhhhhhhhhhh!" Kite said, quieting the entire room down. They turned to see that Kite had already made his home on the couch and was watching TV. "Health Insurance Comerical." He pointed towards the screen as everyone watch the comerical in awe...  
  
"So, um, can you guys let go of me?"  
  
"NO!" Subaru said, tighting her grip. "We must go shopping! Ginkan! Tie this man up!"  
  
"Yes Ma'am!" Mimiru and Subaru let go of Crim as Ginkan tied the poor man up. "Done!"  
  
"ROAD TRIP! ROAD TRIP!" Everyone in the house chanted as they dashed to the Mini-Van that they shared.  
  
---Outside---  
  
The dothackers were standing outside as one small problem came up. "Um...who can drive?" Asked Tsukasa.  
  
"ME!" Elk yelled, raising his hand. "ME! ME! ME! ME! Meeeee...oooh...stop spinning..."  
  
"I never learned..." Subaru answered.  
  
"I'm too young..." Kite replied.  
  
"I, Gaia, the Spirit of the Earth, do not drive, for it pollutes the world!" Added BT, The Gaia wanna-be.  
  
"I can drive!" Bear said as everyone cheered. "But, when we get home, we make CONTACT!" This time he got everyone to boo. "Then it looks like we're not getting Crim's new shirit!"  
  
"Ginkan!" Subaru snapped her fingers and Ginkan jumped ontop of Bear, tied him up and tossed him and Crim into the trunk of the van.  
  
"Why don't we take the bus?" Suggested Mimiru.  
  
"Let's not!" Replied everyone else.  
  
"Ginkan, can't you drive?" Tsukasa asked, looking up at Ginkan who nodded.  
  
"So be it! DRIVE US!" Subaru demanded.  
  
"Yes Ma'am!" He replied, jumping into the Driver's seat.  
  
"I, Gaia, the Spirit of the Earth, calls shotgun!"  
  
---Shopping Mall---  
  
The foolish cast were standing infront of one of those giant maps you see in malls with the little, 'YOU ARE HERE', thingy. "Woah..." Elk said, staring at the map. "We are here...this board...it knows all..." He fell to his knees and began to worship the map. "OH GREAT ALL KNOWING PLASTIC BOARD! SPEAK TO ME!"  
  
Tsukasa was pacing back and forth. "Hm, okay, I got it!" He pointed at Subaru, Ginkan and Mimiru. "You three will go to the left of the store and search for the shirt! Your name is Team B. The rest of us will go...um...to the right...." He began clapping his hands. "GO, GO, GO!!!"  
  
---Team A---  
  
---Store: GAP---  
  
Elk was spinning around, amazed. "Woah...look at all these bright colors...they are jumping at me...PROTECT ME MIA! AAAAAAAH!"  
  
"Elk! Elk! ELK!" Kite yelled, slapping the Wavemaster. "Listen to me. You are standing near the bright colored stuff. Move away. Just move away."  
  
"Oh...Look!" Elk pointed at nothing. "Turkey!" Elk pushed Kite to the ground and chased after the 'turkey'.  
  
Inside a dressing room, BT and Tsukasa were looking at lovely dresses and shirts. "I, Gaia, the Spirit of the Earth, must ask. Does this dress make I, Gaia, Spirit of the Earth, look fat?" BT asked, holding up a orange dress.  
  
"Not at all honey!" Tsukasa said, patting BT on the check. He picked up a purple dress and put it to his body. "This makes my ass look giant."  
  
"I, Gaia, the Spirit of the Earth, says purple isn't your color."  
  
"Oh that skirt there!" Tsukasa said, pointing towards a skirt the same color as BT's costume. "That is soooooooo you."  
  
"Tsukasa, I'm bored..." Kite complained, entering the dressing room. "We still haven't found any red shirts!" While this was going on, Elk was still running back and forth, chasing his turkey, holding all of the red shirts.  
  
"Well, I guess we should get going. But before we go," Tsukasa bent down and picked up a white shirt. "I am so gonna buy this."  
  
"That will look good on you!" Said Kite.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"No..."  
  
---Team B---  
  
---Store: Porno Shop---  
  
Subaru was looking at a Playboy Bunny suit. "Hmm, I think this looks cute."  
  
"You don't look good in Black, Subaru-sama and/or Lady Subaru." Ginkan remarked.  
  
Subaru gasped and slapped Ginkan so hard his helmet went flying off. "I look good in EVERYTHING! YOU HEAR THAT?! EVERYTHING!!!"  
  
While this was going on, Mimiru was looking a Playgirl magazine. "This store is sick and twisted." She said, turning the page. "Why are we in here?"  
  
"Red Shirt!" Ginkan reminded.  
  
"Red Shirt!" Subaru turned to the man behind the counter. "Red Shirt?"  
  
"Um, I have one left..." The man replied. "What size is this person?"  
  
"Um...Bigger then you..."  
  
"Okay." The man reached below the counter and pulled out a bright red shirt reading, 'FLAMER AND PROUD' "This is it."  
  
"Hmm..." Subaru pondered the meaning of 'Flamer'. "Ginkan, what does Flamer mean?"  
  
Ginkan was busying looking on at the Playgirl Mimiru had. "It...um...means he likes flames?"  
  
"Ooooh! I see!" Subaru said in a valley girl type way. "We'll take it!"  
  
---Team A---  
  
---Store: KB Toys---  
  
"Hey! Kim! Look!" Elk said, pointing towards a Furby. Kite walked over and moaned.  
  
"Yes, Elk. It's a Fur-"  
  
"It's the turkey..." Elk cut Kite off, his eyes widening. "It goes up...and down...and up...and down...and up...and down...."  
  
BT was looking at the many glowing lights and listening to the robotic sounds. "I, Gaia, The Spirit of the Earth, must ask, Why are we in here?"  
  
Tsukasa shrugged. "Dunno, really. We followed Elk in here." He turned towards the glass case behind the counter where all the games were kept. His eyes came across the .hack saga. "Oh my..." Grabbing his head, Tsukasa yelled, "Paradox! It burns! OW!!!!"  
  
"GASP!"  
  
"What is it Kite?" Tsukasa asked, letting go of his burning head.  
  
"It's a bomb!" Kite pointed at the Furby, which Elk was holding in his hands.  
  
"Tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurkey!" Said Elk just as the Furby explodes.  
  
---Team B---  
  
---Store: Maceys---  
  
Subaru, Mimiru and Ginkan were marching around the store singing. "So you wanna be a masta?" Subaru sang.  
  
"Pokemon!" Mimiru and Ginkan replied.  
  
"Do you have the skills to be-"  
  
"NUMBER ONE!"  
  
"We all live," All of them sang at once. "In a Pokemon World, POK-E-MON!"  
  
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!  
  
The three of them fell to the floor by the shockwave. "Ouch..." Mimiru said, standing up. "What was that? Did something just go boom?"  
  
"Whatever just went boom made me lose my place in the song!" Subaru complained, lifting her ax. "I shall murder it! MAWAHAAHAHA- Gasp..."  
  
"What is it, Lady Subaru and/or Subaru-sama?" Asked Ginkan.  
  
Subaru lifted her finger every so slowly and pointed towards a contest stand. It had a yacht as a prize. "It's a...boat...." She whispered, before running to it, jumping onto the front of the ship and begining to sing Fake Wings. "Shine...bright morning light..."  
  
"I better call Tsukasa on my magic cell phone to make sure he's okay!" Ginkan said, putting his ear to his 'cell phone'. "Hello Tsukasa? Hi. Listen, I'm just calling to make sure you're alright!"  
  
"Um...Ginkan..." Mimiru whispered into Ginkan's free ear.  
  
"Not now Mimiru. Whats that? Oh you got a shirt? Cool! We did too!"  
  
"But Ginkan!"  
  
"Shut up! No, not you, Mimiru. She's-"  
  
"STOP TALKING INTO MY BOOBS!" Mimiru screamed, slapping Ginkan clear across Maceys, only to have him bounce off the wall and land in a crumpled heap infront of her.  
  
"Boobs?!" Yelled Sora, who hopped in from no where. "Boobs means girls. Girls mean member adresses! Member Adresses mean PKing! PKing means I can kill BT! YEY KILLING!"  
  
Sora, Mimiru and A Bloodly Ginkan step out into the Mall as Team A walks up to them, all charred. "You guys are alive!" Mimiru smiled. "Damn it..." She whispered to Sora, who nodded in agreement.  
  
"Yes..." Elk said, his eyes filling up with tears. "But the Turkey didn't..." He held up the Furby, which was now nothing but a peice of melted plastic.  
  
"And we didn't get a shirt..." Kite added.  
  
"That's okay!" The Bloodly Ginkan replied. "We got a shirt."  
  
"Good!" Tsukasa cheered. "Let's head back to the car! We have to get away from KB Toys...that evil spawn of evil that evil has so very much kissed with it's evil lips and evil salvia as the evil germs surround the evil store of KB Toys turning it...evil..."  
  
"Can I come?" Sora asked, standing over the dead corpse of BT.  
  
Everyone thought about it for a second. "Hmmm...Nah..."  
  
---Mini-Van---  
  
"Hey Bear! Hey Crim!" Greeted Mimiru as they piled into the car.  
  
"Mwyha!" Replied the gaged and bounded Crim and Bear.  
  
Kite hung his head low. "I'm sorry to say, but my team was too busy with our own needs to bother about yours."  
  
"MAY!" Crim cheered, flopping his body about.  
  
"But not mine!" Subaru said, holding up the 'Flamer' shirt. "I think it will look soooo cute on you!" She laid the shirt next to Crim, ingoring his death glare.  
  
Ginkan took the drivers seat. "Let's go home!"  
  
"YEAH!" Everyone replied, buckling their seatbelts...All but one, that is...  
  
Tsukasa magically appeared in front of the swirly hypnotist thingy, talking in the serious tone. "Yes, and thus ends The Wonderful World of Breakfast. As you see, Crim got his shirt, Subaru got her knights, Bear never made contact, Mimiru is still...Mimiru, BT is dead, Sora still has his obession will killing BT, Kite and I ran off and got married, Elk is still a junkie and Ginkan still thinks that people like him. Everybody wins!"  
  
"TSUKASA!"  
  
"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!"  
  
Next Episode- BABY

See you next chapter!


	2. Baby

Disclaimer: Hello! I do not own anything you are about to read. Enjoy. 

A/N: Chapter 2 then! Let's being, I hope this chapter is good!

_.hackBOREDOM_  
BABY

Tsukasa was pacing back and forth around the living room. "Bored...Bored...BORED!" He screamed at the wall. "I HATE BEING BORED!" 

"Then find something to entertain yourself..." Mimiru said, reading 'War and Peace'. Tsukasa ignored her advice and began walking back and forth again. "Argh, stop that, it's making me dizzy..."

"You're reading! How can I be making you dizzy?"

The Heavyblade looked up for a second. "You just are."

"Well, I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooorry! I'm just bored! There isn't anything to do now that my show is finished." Tsukasa complained.

Mimiru raised an eyebrow. "_Your_ show?" She asked.

"Yes...mine...my own...my preciousssss..." He reached into his pocket and took out a video tape of episode 28, Unison, and began to pet it. "At least this hasn't been played on TV yet!"

Putting her book down, Mimiru stood up and patted Tsukasa on the shoulder. "It's already been released..."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He screamed, falling to his knees and pounding the ground. "WHY! WHY! WHY DID THEY DO THAT!" Tsukasa quickly stood back up and slapped himself. "Okay. I'm better...but I'm still bored..."

Kite took that moment to walk by them, talking like a TV. "We have always had a gentle understanding of the creatures that lie beyond our boarders..." Mimiru and Tsukasa looked at him with confused faces. He then turned towards them and grabbed Tsukasa by his shirt, whispering in a female's voice, "There are marks...on the door!"

"TV is gonna rot your brain..." Crim said, poking the way with his spear wearing his new 'Flamer' shirt.

"It already has..." Kite replied sadly, before going back to a woman's voice. He pointed at Crim. "This color is not aloud here. It attracts them. We must bury it." He ran over to Crim, picked him up and threw him into a giant hole that appeared from no where.

"AAAH!" Yelled Crim. "What in Morganna's name are you doing!"

Kite ignored Crim and began to fill the hole up with dirt. Which also appeared from no where. "Heed the warning bell, for they are coming." Crim jumped out of the dirt pile and began to beat the living daylight out of Kite as he continued to say lines from 'The Village'.

"This isn't good enough for you?" Mimiru asked, pointing at the fight.

"No...we need something BIG!" Tsukasa exclaimed. "Like it just flew out of a Soap Opera!"

Subaru suddenly busted into the room. "I'M THREE MONTHS PREGNANT!"

Six Months Later...

"Okay Subaru, push, PUSH!"

---Waiting Room---

All of the .hackers were gathered in the waiting room. Most were sitting or reading. Ginkan, however, was pacing the room, smoking and muttering stuff. "Can I have some of that?" Elk whispered from the corner.

"Ginkan, don't be so worried." Mimiru said.

Ginkan turned around and glared at Mimiru. "I have every right to be! It's my damn baby!" He yelled.

"Your baby!" Replied the entire room.

"Yes! My Baby!"

All of the boys, minus Elk, laughed and said in unison, "It can't be your baby, It's mine!" They all turned to eachother. "Wait, YOUR BABY!" They all yelled together. "IT'S MINE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" The boys all tackled eachother and got into a giant fight over who's baby it was. Helmets were flying, hair was being pulled, blood was dripping. It was a gore fest, so that is why the censors added that big cloud of dust over them to cover it up.

"I, Gaia, The Spirit of the Earth, takes pity on who this baby belongs too." BT said.

"Geez, I hope it's not mine then..." Elk added quietly.

Mimiru turned in shock at Elk. "_You've_ slept with Subaru!"

Elk shook his head. "She asked me for a spear donation...AND I DON'T FEEL RIGHT TALKING ABOUT THIS STUFF WITHOUT MIA! WAAAAAAAAAAH!" He threw his head into his arms and cried.

Mimiru rolled her eyes and rested back into her chair. "I, Gaia, The Spirit of the Earth, must say, DAMN! Subaru gets around!" BT added.

Just then, a doctor wheeled Subaru out in a wheel chair. "Hey guys!" She greeted, holding the baby. "Look what came out of me! It's a boy!"

Elk, Mimiru and BT rushed to Subaru's side and looked at the baby. "Awww, it's so cute!" They said together, ignoring the fact that the cloud of dust was starting to get...red...

"And I've named him Wanda!"

Bear quickly jumped from the cloud of dust. "Wanda!" He yelled, looking around. "Wanda! WANDA! WANDA! AAAAAAAAH!" He screamed, running towards and jumping out of the window.

Ginkan also stopped and rushed over to Subaru. "Lady Subaru and/or Subura-sama...Don't you think a boy's name should be the name for a...boy?" He asked.

"My brother is named Wanda..." Subaru said.

Mimiru sighed. "Honey, you don't have a brother."

Subaru began to cry. "In my mind..."

"Why not name him Mi...Mi...Mi...Miiiiiiiiiiimi! Yes, Mimi!" Elk said.

"Nah. That's a girls name!" Subaru replied, getting over her 'episode'.

"Okay. Why not Mi...Mi...Mi...Mimiru! Yeah! Mimiru!"

Subaru glared at Elk. "I am NOT naming MY son after THAT!" She pointed at Mimiru. "Stupid Blackrose copycat."

"I WAS HERE FIRST DAMN IT!" Mimiru screamed, stomping her foot.

At that moment, the other boys dashed over to join the conversation. "Who's the father!" Kite, Crim and Tsukasa asked in unison. "It's me right!" They turned and glared at eachother. "You! IT'S ME! AAAAAAAAAAARGH!" The tackled eachother to the ground once again and began to fight.

"Oh dear is me..." Subaru's eyes began to glitter. "They are fighting over me. How romantic!"

BT shook her head. "I, Gaia, The Spirit of the Earth, say there is only ONE way to settle this..."

---Jerry Springer Show---

"Hello everyone and welcome to the Jerry Springer Show!" Jerry Springer greeted. "Today's topic is about New Mothers and why they have so many men who want their baby. Let's meet our first guest, Subaru!" The camera shows Subaru sitting in a chair on the stage. She waves and flips her hair. "So Subaru, where ar-"

"Screw the introduction, Let's just get on with the show!" She said, raising her hands in the air as the crowd cheered,

"JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!"

"Okay then. Subaru, why are you here?" Jerry asked.

"I'm here to tell all these horny men," She held up the pictures of Crim, Elk, Kite, Bear and Ginkan. "-That I only want Tsukasa to mah babies daddy."

"Okay then, let's bring out our first guest, Ginkan!"

Ginkan came running out from off stage yelled, "YOU -Bleep-ing -Bleep-! HOW THE -Bleep- COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!" He charged at Subaru only to have Steve hold him back.

Subaru stood out of her seat and said, "I don't want you honey!" She said, snapping her fingers.

"-BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP-!" Was Ginkan replied.

"Yeah! Come on, you -Bleep!-" Subaru laughed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" Ginkan punched Steve to the floor and began chasing Subaru around the stage, the only sound being heard was, Bleep.

---.hacker's...house?---

Mimiru was shifting in her chair watching the TV. "Um, I don't think that the Jerry Springer Show was such a good idea..." She said calmly.

"I, Gaia, The Spirit of the Earth, Agree. But it does give us some entertainment."

---Jerry Springer Show---

Ginkan was now chained to his chair. "ARGH! I have done nothing be serve you!" He screamed. "AND YOU GO AND GIVE MY BABY TO SOME ANGST RIDDEN WAVEMASTER!"

"Well, DUH!" Subaru said in valley girl accent. "By the way, it was his anyway!"

"How the -bleep- could it be his! HE'S A GIRL!"

"Ooooooooooooh!" The crowd went. "WE LOVE LESBIANS! WE LOVE LESBIANS!"

Subaru gasped in shock. "He is NOT!"

"We'll be right back!" Jerry Springer said as the camera zoomed away.

---.hacker's house---

Mimiru and BT staring at the TV, waiting for it to return to Jerry Springer. "Are you a woman?" The TV asked. BT and Mimiru nodded. "Are between the age of 14-60?" The nodded again. "Do you suffer from burning feminine itch?" Mimiru and BT looked at eachother, and got up to get some popcorn.

---Jerry Springer Show---

"And we're back!" Jerry greeted as the camera zoomed to him. "We're about to bring out the second of Subaru's many husbands. Let's meet, Bear!"

Bear walked out onto the stage in full pimp gear. "Yo man, I'm glad I'm not your baby's dad." He said, swing his 'pimping' cane. "Remember the Pimp Bible." Bear reached into his pocket and took out a book reading, 'Pimp Bible'. "Green for the money, then go for the honey."

"YOU USED ME!" Subaru exclaimed. Once getting an nod for an answer, she jumped from her seat and began to rip Bear to little pieces. "AAAAAAAAAARGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" She screamed until Steve lifted her off Bear. "LET ME AT HIM!" Subaru yelled, foaming at the mouth. "HE USED ME!"

"..." Bear replied. Well, he really didn't say anything as he was now dead.

"THE ONLY -Bleep-ING ONE WHO CAN USE ME IS TSUKASA!" Subaru bit Steve and landed on the ground.

"EVERYONE USES YOU, YOU -Bleep-ing HORE!" Ginkan yelled from his seat.

"WHORE! WHORE! WHORE! WHORE!" Chanted the crowd.

Subaru flipped her hair. "Of course. And with a set of mango cans like these, I can't see why not!"

"TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!" Chanted the crowd again as Subaru took off her shirt and flashed the viewers. "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"

"And our rating go up!" Jerry cheered.

---.hacker's house---

Mimiru and BT were now staring at the TV in horror. "Maybe we should go save them..." Mimiru said, getting out of her chair and heading to the door.

"YES!" Was BT's replied. "LET OUR POWERS COMBINE!"

---Murray Show---

Murray and Subaru were sitting together on a couch near a giant screen. "Okay Subaru. We are here to find out who the father of you lovely little boy, Wanda, is." Murray stated, patting Subaru on the knee.

Subaru wiped some tears from her very red eyes. "All I want to find his husband!" She said through fake tears before she broke down crying.

"It's okay. Now, we are about to show pictures of all those who you've slept within the time of you got pregnant." Murray lifted his hand and the screen showed the pictures of: Tsukasa, Bear, Crim, Kite, Elk, Balmung, Sora and Helba.

"Yup!" Subaru said, putting on her happy face again. "Just Elk gave me a spear donation. He looks to young for me."

"Okay. We are now going to bring them all out here, but first, let us build up tension by showing videos of what they had to say about being your son's father."

"Screw the tape, BRING THEM OUT!"

All the people on the pictures walked out. Well, Elk was dragging Bear's dead corps in a red wagon, but you get the idea. "We've given each of you a blood test..." Murray held up some papers. "And I have the results right here. Are you ready?" Everyone but Bear nodded. "This might shock you all. We will begin with Elk." Elk gulped. "Elk...you are NOT the father."

"Oh thank God!" Elk cheered as Mia, who watched from the audience waved a flag with Elk's face on it.

"Crim...You are NOT the father."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Crim yelled before breaking damn crying.

"Tsukasa...You are NOT the father."

Tsukasa snapped his fingers. "Darn..."

"That's all right." Subaru said, placing her arm around Tsukasa. "I still want him to be the daddy."

"Helba...You are NOT the father."

"Well, yeah..." Helba said, floating away. "I never even slept with that kleptomaniac..." She turned and glared a Subaru. "Give it back..."

"Awww..." Subaru moaned, handing back Helba's staff. "But it's mine..."

"Bear...You are NOT the father."

"..." Bear said.

"Kite...You ARE the father."

"YES!" Kite cheered, dancing around the room. "YES, YES, YES!"

Ginkan took out his sword and put it to Murray's throat. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S THE FATHER! THIS IS BULL-Bleep-! I DEMAND A RECOUNT!"

Sora sighed. "Well, I'm not sad...but I'm not happy either! Oh well, it's time for BT's daily killing. See ya!" He jumped away, followed by a very confused Balmung.

"You may be the father..." Subaru said. "But we don't want you in our lives!"

"Yeah!" Tsukasa agreed.

Kite rolled his eyes. "Geez, like I'd want to be in your lives anymore then I already am? I just want to change his name to Lou."

"Hm...I like Lou..."

"Me too...Too bad we're keeping it Wanda." Subaru got up and grabbed Tsukasa. "Come Tsukasa! Let us go to our wonderful world of babies!"

"Babies?" Tsukasa asked, as he was dragged backstage. "WE DID BABIES!"

---.hacker's house---

Tsukasa was sitting next to Mimiru on the couch, feeding Wanda a bottle. "Well, was that good enough for you?" Mimiru asked.

"Yeah..." Tsukasa kissed Wanda's cheek...only have his noise be bitten. "Ow!" Wanda jumped off Tsukasa's lap, rushed to the door, hopped in their mini-van and drove off. "Little Bastard. He better not come home smelling like smoke..."

Subaru wiped another tear away from her eye. "They grow up so fast, don't they? It only feels like today I was giving birth to him."

"It was today..." Crim corrected.

"Not in Five...Four...Three...Two...One!" She reached into her pocket and put on a party hat and tossed some sparkles into the air. "HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

"Well..." Tsukasa sank back into his seat. "I'm bored again..."

"Wanna get high?" Elk asked from the corner.

BT rose her hand. "I, Gaia, The Spirit of the Earth, says that we should learn Spanish!"

"YEAH!" Cheered the .hackers. "SPANISH IS FUN!" They all jumped into the air in victory as the screen froze as the words below appeared on the screen:

See you next chapter!

Next Chapter- HYPER


	3. Hyper

Disclaimer: Hello everyone! 

A/N: YEY! I gotz reviews! Thank you all, I feel so loved. Here is the next chapter!

_.hackBOREDOM  
_HYPER

BANG!

CRASH!

SMASH!

BOOM!

"Mimiru..." Subaru asked the Heavy Blade, who was still trying to read 'War and Peace' "Why is Tsukasa bouncing around the room like a pogo stick?"

Mimiru glanced up to see Tsukasa, who was jumping around the room, smashing into everything he could, then going about laughing about while he jumped on more things. "He's crazy, that's why."

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Tsukasa said, landing near the two and spinning on one foot. "I'm HYPER! WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

"Um, Tsukasa maybe you should calm down..." Bear tried to grab the jumping Tsukasa, who each time missed and he kept on bouncing into things, giggling. Tsukasa then landed right next to Subaru, gave Bear the finger, and went back to laughing.

"GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF MAN!" Subaru screamed, slapping Tsukasa across the face. Tsukasa turned and stared in horror, as did the rest of the .hackers.

"You..." Tsukasa started, rubbing his cheek in shock. "You slapped me!" He then began talking quickly. "You slapped me! I don't care. Bitch. You're a bitch. You're a bitch slappin' bitch. And I don't care." He reached into his pocket and took out some candy. In one gulp, he ate all the peices, wrapper in all. "HYPER!" Subaru's eyes filled up with tears as she ran over to Elk's corner to cry.

"Lady Subaru and/or Subaru-sama!" Ginkan exclaimed. He glared at Tsukasa, drew his sword and charged. "YOU MADE HER CRY! I WANT TO SEE YOU DEAD!"

Tsukasa moved away at a high pace as Ginkan smashed through the wall leaving a impresstion. "Denined!" He chanted, lifting arms into the air. "Wooo-hooo! Touch down! Touch down!" Tsukasa began dancing around the hole in the wall singing Obession.

BT snapped her fingers and annouced, "Girl Talk." Crim, Mimiru, Bear, Kite and Elk gathered around BT.

"I've never seen Tsukasa act like this before!" Elk said. "I mean, I've seen him hyper but this....THIS-" He pointed to Tsukasa, who was now throwing rocks Ginkan's head. "That is like...Mega Hyper or something..."

"Y'know, I heard a study proved that sugar doesn't get you hyper. It's something in your blood stream..." The group turned at Mimiru and looked at her with confused eyes. "Oh, thats right. I'm the sane voice of reason in this group..." She sighed. "It's a living..."

Tsukasa suddenly jumped into the middle of the huddle. "Hey guys, what'cha talkin' bout?" He said swinging his head back and forth. Crim opened his mouth to say something, but Tsukasa's small attention span got to him first. "I got some candy! Want some?"

"I'll take some!" Kite said, reaching for the candy. He took some in his hands and ate it.

Tsukasa gave a look of pure horror that words can not capture. "You...You ate my candy!" He lifted his staff and began to beat Kite to the ground screaming curses. And with each curse, he made sure his staff hit Kite even harder. "BITCH! HORE! FUCKER! FAGGOT-" The rest of the cast moved away in horror as they watched the beating and Bear jumped into BT's arms in fear. "-BASTARD! N00B!" The Wavemaster stopped and looked around and if someone had just fired a gun. "Hey, did you hear something?"

"N-No..." Crim responed weakly.

"Oh..." Tsukasa looked around again before he fell to the floor and began rolling around. "AAAAH! RAPE! RAPE!" He screamed.

"I, Gaia, The Spirit of the Earth, must ask why Tsukasa is yelling rape and rolling around on the floor?" BT asked. Before she knew it, Bear was out of her arms and Mimiru, Elk and Crim were half way across the room. Tsukasa then jumped right into BT's face, grabbed her shirt and began shaking it.

"Because I'm craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy, ya hear?! CRAZY!!!" He shook BT back and forth until she passed out from dizzy-ness. Tsukasa turned towards the others and began to skip towards them but instead fell the ground in a deep sleep.

"Is it dead?" Asked Mimiru as the four walked towards the body. Crim picked up his spear and poked Tsukasa on the head, causing him to jump up and scream,

"HOW DARE YOU DISTURB THE SLUMBER OF A GREEN SKY POKEMON IN THE WORLD OF COMPUTER STORE MAGAZINE CD'S WIFE!"

The result answer, from each of the .hackers was, "........What?"

"Was that even a sentance?" Bear asked, confused.

"Was that even a sentance?" Tsukasa said in a mocking tone, placing his hands on his hips.

"Hey! That wasn't nice!"

"Hey that wasn't blah, blah, blah!"

Bear was on the verge of tears. "St-stop!"

"NO!" Bear broke down crying and ran to join Subaru in Elk's corner as Tsukasa once again fell to the ground, asleep.

Elk, Mimiru and Crim all looked at each other for a second, then back at Tsukasa. Crim picked up his spear and was about to poke Tsukasa again. Mimiru's eyes bugged out and she screamed, "NO! DON'T! ELK! USE YOU'RE MAGIC!"

Elk lifted his staff and spun around as little green sparkles began to glow around him. He pointed his staff at Crim and said the magic word, "Foladdieda-dum!" Crim screamed like a girl and tried to dodge the blast but was too slow. When the light died down, all that was left was a rubber duckie.

"Quack!" Went Rubber Duckie Crim.

"Okay..." Mimiru took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Wide open spaces...Wide open spaces...Wide open spaces for the little sheep to run in." She re-opened her eyes and looked around. "Who is left in one peice after that?" BT, Kite and Ginkan were KOed on the floor, Subaru and Bear were crying and Crim was now a rubber duck. The only one who raised his hand was Elk.

"I'm okay." Said the timid wavemaster. "But what about Mia?!" He looked around in a panic. "Oh no! I hope she's okay! What if _they_ got her!!"

Mimiru raised an eyebrow. "They?"

"Yes..." Elk's face grew dark and scary as he said in a very serious tone, "The Children..."

"The Children?" Mimiru copyed, in a tone saying, 'Fill me in, dude.'

"Yes...The Children." He pushed Mimiru aside and pointed to a corner. "They're here now..." Mimiru turned around and saw nothing. "They've come for me..." He grabbed onto Mimiru's shoulders and began shaking her. "HELP ME! HELP ME! DON'T LET TEM TAKE ME AWAAAAAAAY!!!" Elk was panicing so much he forgot to breathe, so he fell limp to the floor knocked out.

"Okay..." Mimiru slowly made her way over to the couch, sat down and began to watch TV.

---The next day---

"Oooough..." Tsukasa moaned, lifting himself off the ground. "My head hurts...Mimiru, have I been up all night drinking?"

Mimiru, who was still watching TV, just sniffled and said, "No...OH LOUIS! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE!!!"

Tsukasa just responded by rolling his eyes. "Girls..." He muttered, walking towards Bear.

"You're a girl too!" Bear reminded.

"I AM?!" Tsukasa gasped in shock. He pulled open his pants and looked down. "No I'm not...The person playing me is the girl. I am the boy. I am the cooler, sexy version."

"While we're on the topic of gender..." Subaru said, standing up on a table. "I think you all should know..." She took a deep breath. "I am a woman." The .hackers stared at Subaru, shrugged and went back to whatever they were doing before hand.

"Hey..." Kite poked Mimiru in the head but got no answer. "Hey..." He poked her again. "Hey...Hey...Hey..."

"WHAT?!" She screamed in his face.

"Can I watch TV?"

"I'm watching my Soap Opera!" Mimiru pointed at the screen which showed the words: 'We'll be right back to: As the rain slides down my window.'

"...So?" Kite asked.

"This show only comes on ONCE!"

"......So?"

"This is the second to last episode and next hour IS the last episode!"

".........So?"

"Don't you get it!? LOUIS IS DEAD, MARIE IS CHEATING ON FRANK AND JUAN IS ABOUT TO MOVE BACK TO MEXICO WITHOUT TELLING LURA HIS TRUE FEELINGS!!!"

Kite stared blanky. "And that means...?"

"THE SHOW I HAVE WATCHED SINCE TEN YEARS OLD IS ABOUT TO END! SHOW A LITTLE PITY!"

"...No..." Kite jumped onto the couch next to Mimiru and changed the channel. Mimiru stared in horror and lifted her sword. Suddenly, the entire house was filled with dark clouds, booming thunder and random fires burning. She raised the sword of Kite's head and spoke in a deep and dark evil voice:

"Thou shant not miss thy soaps!"

SLICE!

Kite fell off the couch dead as Mimiru changed the channel back to her Soap Opera. "You shouldn't have had to seen that!" Ginkan yelled, covering Rubber Duckie Crim's eyes.

"Quack!" Went the duckie.

"Poor Kite..." Elk said, poking Kite's body with his staff. "He was so young! And he gave me some Aromatic Grass one time. And th-" Elk's face went pale white. "...They're back..."

"Who?" Asked everyone but Mimiru.

Elk stood up and pointed towards the empty hall way. "The Children..." The .hackers turned to see their hallway empty. "They're here..." The crazy Wavemaster began to back up. "They've come..." He dropped his staff and ran out the door screaming.

"Should we morn for Kite?" Asked Ginkan, but before anyone could answer, a green-ish blue vortex appeared and there was Kite, now nothing more then a ghost.

"Hello everyone!" Ghost Kite said cheerfully...only to get his head whacked off by Mimiru.

"You made me miss 3.2 seconds of my show when you changed the channel." She hissed, her voice cold and full of death.

Another green-ish blue vortex appeared and Kite returned, this time a little more ghostly. "Hey! Don't do that!" Ghost of Kite's Ghost yelled, only to get his head whacked off again by Mimiru. Yet another green-ish blue vortex appeared and another Kite appeared. "STOP!" Ghost of Kite's Ghosts' Ghost said. Mimiru raised her sword again but he pointed to the TV saying. "YOU'RE MISSING YOUR'RE SHOW!"

Mimiru dropped her sword in horror and turned to the TV. "I AM!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Can I kill you?" Asked Subaru, raising her ax.

"NO!" Ghost of Kite's Ghosts' Ghost yelled, floating away.

"Oh..." Subaru began twitching. "Then I must...chop....WOOD! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" She lifted her ax and began to chop anything that was once a tree, laughing manically as she did.

"I, Gaia, The Spirit of the Earth, says that cutting wood in a crime and Subaru must be punished!" BT raised her staff and the eyes of the .hackers turned a deep purple as they began chanting,

"Kill Subaru! Kill Subaru! Kill Subaru!"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! You want to kill me?!" Subaru exclaimed, backing into a corner. "But I'm too cute to die!" She batted her eyes and gave a cute smile which broke BT's spell.

"Awwww, just look at her!" Bear said, pinching her cheek. "And her wee little ax. How many woman can weild axes? Seriously!" Just then, a giant bus crashed through the wall of the house, running over Subaru and almost smashing Bear. "What the hell?!"

Out from the bus came a old man wearing a suit. He turned to the .hackers and looked at them. "What is that?" Tsukasa asked.

"I think it's a man..." Ginkan replied.

Music from the bus began playing and the old man began to dance! While danced, he pointed to his bus which had the words, 'Six Flags' on it. "Hey! I want to go!" Mimiru exclaimed.

"YEAH! TO SIX FLAGS!" BT, Bear, Ginkan and Tsukasa cheered in unison as they ran onto the bus.

---A few hours later---

The door flew open and the five stepped into the empty house, holding bags of goodies. "Ah! That was fun!" They all said together.

But then Mimiru remembered something. "I missed the last episode..." She said, stareing blanky into space as if her entire soul was drained from her body.

"Guys, look what I bought!" Ginkan reached into his bag and pulled out a Helba plushie. "Isn't it cute?"

"I want one!" Tsukasa said, reaching for the plushie.

"Me too!" Bear also reached for the plushie.

"Woah...Gaia, The Spirit of the Earth, too..." BT stared in horror of her wants over a plush toy.

As the four began to fight over the toy, the Helba Plushie began to float into the air and laugh. "Yes, dance! Dance my little puppets! Go now and buy my plushies so that I may rule the world! MAWHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"

SMASH!

Balmung ,just then, smashed through the front window, rolled on the floor and landed next to Helba Plushie. He was followed by Mia, Mistrel and Blackrose, who also crashed through windows in the room. "GET THE BYSTANDERS OUT OF HERE!" Balmung yelled as Mia pushed the fighting group out of the room, leaving the soulless Mimiru. Helba Plushie growled as Balmung pointed his sword at the doll. "Helba Plushie. Wanted for Five Thousand acts of PKing, hacking, corruption, hacking, PC edit, and hacking." The system admin read aloud.

"How did you find me?!" Helba Plushie exclaimed.

"We've been following you. We knew you'd use that old man to lure them to Six Flags to buy your plush doll." Blackrose explained. "Now, BURN IN HELL!" She pulled out a gun and shot the doll, but the bullets missed and hit the wall. "Damn!" Blackrose snapped her fingers and fell to the ground. "I've been defeated!"

"HAHA!" Laughed Helba Plushie. "You can never kill me!"

"I can!" Mistrel said, slifting her staff and fireing a beam of light at Helba Plushie. The beam hit the doll, but then the dust cleared, the plush toy remained floating.

"Nice try!" Helba Plushie lifted her toy staff and shot a powerful beam at Mistrel, sending her flying backwards into the wall. Mia hissed like a cat and jumped at Helba Plushie. She landed on the doll and began to tear it to little peices. "Nooooo!" Helba Plushie fired another powerful attack at Mia, sending her flying through the roof.

"My team!" Balmung yelled. He glared at the plush toy. "It's time to die..."

"You'll never take me alive!" Helba Plushie said, floating away. "Mawhahahahahahaaaaa-" Helba Plushie stupidly floated right into a wall and exploded into little peices of fluff.

Mistrel walked over to the fluff and poked it with her staff. "Is she dead?" The fluffy stuff then jumped off the ground and locked itself on Mistrel's face. "AAAAAAH!!" She let out a muffled scream. "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" Mistrel ran around the room blindly before falling to the ground, dead.

"Mistrel..." Balmung walked over to the dead Wavemaster. "Why...WHY!!!" He stared to pound the ground crying.

"She knew the risks..." Came the voice of Sora. Balmung turned to see the Player Killer dressed in a suit, with some other men behind him. The men began to pick up the fluff and the body of Mistrel. "I'm sorry for your loss, Agent Balmung." Sora patted him on the shoulder. "You know what to do...Oh, and by the way...The great one wishes to speak with you." Balmung nodded. "Okay men, move out!"

---Outside---

Balmung, Blackrose and Mia walked outside towards the still fighting group of .hackers. "Hey everyone..." Mia yelled to get their attention. "Look at the birdy!"

The four turned to look at the birdy. "Ooooooooooooooh?!"

FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!

---Great One's lair---

Balmung poked his head in the chamber of the great one and looked around. "You wanted to see me?" He asked.

"I've been waiting for you...For such a long time." Said the voice. "I need you, just as you need me."

"Sure Morganna." Balmung entered the room and sat down.

"Let us walk together, hand in hand. I will-"

"Yes, I know, you say that ever time I come here."

"Oh." Morganna paused for a second, then made a file of papers fall from the sky. "You're being reassigned to a lower job."

"WHAT?!" Balmung screamed, standing up. "How dare you! I've done knowing but work for you for years, not even asking for a raise! And now you lower my rank!?"

"...Fool! I do not need you or anyone else!" Morganna yelled. "You will all die here with Aura!" The room began to shake and Balmung fell to the ground.

"Forgive me! I'm sorry, Oh great one! What job is it you have me do?"

"Well, you see..."

---.hacker's house---

The door flew open and the five stepped into the empty house, holding bags of goodies. "Ah! That was fun!" They all said together.

But then Mimiru remembered something. "I missed the last episode..." She said, stareing blanky into space as if her entire soul was drained from her body.

"Guys, look what I bought!" Ginkan reached into his bag, but pulled up nothing. "Hey! Where is it?!"

"Where is what?" Asked Tsukasa.

"You know..." Ginkan dropped the bag. "I...don't remember..." The .hackers looked at eachother for a second, then turn and stare blanky at the readers.

See you next chapter!

Next Chapter- LEGEND


	4. Legend

Disclaimer: I do not own .hack of Legends of the Hidden Temple. Mawhahaha. 

A/N: Welcome to the amazing 4th chapter. We are already half way through the script format stories. I need to come up with new Ideas! Aaaaah! NOEZ! Enjoy.

_.hackBOREDOM_  
LEGEND

It was a lovely, peaceful day at the .hackers house...or whatever they live in. It was about 3, which was the time the postman made his rounds to the house. Armed with machine guns, pepper spray and other various items to defend himself, he slowly walked towards the door. He looked down at the little slot reading: "Insert Mail Here! Pull your hand away in 15 seconds or it will be bitten off!" He slowly placed the letter in the slot when...

"HEEEEELLLOOOOO MISTA MAIL DUDE!" Tsukasa yelled, opening the door.

"BACK! BACK!" He reached for his pepper spray and fired. Tsukasa duck and began to tickle the Mailman. "AAAH! STOP! STOP!" Maildude yelled, punching Tsukasa in the face. The man pulled out a little vial of water and began to sprinkle it on Tsukasa. "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" When Tsukasa showed no signs of being a demon, the mail gun drop the vial, the mail, and his guns, turned and drove away in his car, never to be seen again.

"Okay, well you just come back now!" Tsukasa said as the car disappeared. He turned around and let out a evil laugh. "Mailmen Two, Tsukasa Ten!" The wavemaster bent down and picked up the first envelope. He opened it and read it out loud to no one. "Dear Mister and Mrs. Hack. Oh! That's me! Congratulations!" Tsukasa threw his arm in the air and began to run around screaming.

"TSUKASA! WHERE IS HE?!" Mimiru yelled, jumping out to Tsukasa, holding a broom. "WHERE IS THAT LITTLE RAT?!"

Tsukasa tilted his head in confusion. "Rat? There is no rat. But this piece of paper just congratulated me."

"Oh...well..." Mimiru looked to her left, then to her right, tighten her grip on the broom and headed back. "If you see it, just give a scream..."

"Right-o!" He looked at the letter again. "You and your friends have been invited to join us for a filming of a episode of..." Tsukasa looked at the words in shock. "No...No...It CAN'T be!"

---Jungle---

A camera is panning through a dense jungle. It pushes through and we see Aura floating. "LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE!" The camera shows the studio filled with people from .hack series. "WITH YOUR GUIDE, BAAAAAAAAAALMUUUUUUUUUUUNG!"

Balmung floated down from the sky with a spot light on him, making him seem like an angel. "Welcome to Legends of the Hidden Temple!" He greeted before turning his head to the side and muttering, 'I can't believe this is the job Morganna wants me to do...' "Behind me you see Aura's temple! It's filled with lost treasures protected my mysterious Mayn temple guards. Only Aura knows the secret behind each treasure. Which one will we be hearing about today?"

"THE LEGEND OF THE KEY OF THE TWILIGHT!" Aura yelled.

"Ooooh, the legend of the key of the twilight!" Balmung copied, trying to sound surprised but failing. "Well, one of these six teams will have a chance to get the Key! Will it be the Red Jaguars?" Kite and Blackrose were standing on the other side of a moat, wearing red shirts with pictures of Jaguars on them. They gave each other a high-five and cheered with the crowd. "The Blue Barracudas!"

"Is that me?" Asked Mimiru, who was wearing a light blue shirt with a Barracuda picture on it.

"No, We're the Blue Bears!" Replied her partner, Bear, also wearing the shirt.

"The Green Monkeys!" Balmung pointed to Elk and Mia, who both were blushing and wearing matching green shirts along with a picture of a cute Monkey. "The Orange Iguanas!"

Mistral and Crim waved to the camera. "HIYA!" The both yelled in unison, wearing the same orange and iguana pictured shirts.

"The Purple Parrots!" Ginkan stood on the otherside of the water, wearing a purple shirt with a parrot picture, alone. "Um..." Balmung looked at his clip board. "We need a girl..."

BT, who was sitting in the audiences, stood up and said, "I, Gaia, The Spirit of the Earth, REFUSE TO BE HIS PARTNER!"

Balmung paused for a second and looked to his left. "Helba?" The great hacker didn't answer, as she was too busy still crying over the death of her plush-toy army. "Okay..." He snapped his fingers and POOF! A20 appeared next to Ginkan.

"Um...Hi..." A20 greeted.

"And the Silver people who always win!" Tsukasa and Subaru smiled at the camera, wearing Silver shirts with pictures of snakes on them.

"Why couldn't I be a Silver Snake?!" Ginkan pouted, stomping his foot.

The system admin. ignored Ginkan and returned to reading the cue-cards. "One of these six teams will get the chance to enter Ol- erm, I mean, Aura's temple. But first they gotta cross the moat."

"THAT THEY DO!" Aura agreed.

"And how are they gonna do it today?" Balmung asked.

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!" Screamed the little girl.

"Um...Ok, you heard her. Anything goes." Balmung pulled up a chair and sat down. "You just can't swim across. Good Luck!"

Some funky music began to play in the background as the teams began their plots to cross the moat. "Anything goes, huh?" Kite said, getting ready to jump. "I know what to do! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" He dashed forward and tried to jump the moat, but fell into the water. "Damn!" He muttered, swimming back. He tried to jump again, but landed in face down in the water again...and again...and again...

"Sigh..." Blackrose, um, sighed. She pulled Kite out of the water and looked him in the eye. "If you're gonna jump across, you need a vault." She picked up her sword and charged towards the edge of the moat. The Heavy Blade used her sword as a vault and went soaring across the moat and landed safely on the other side. "Ta-da!"

"Oh!" Kite reached over and grabbed Mimiru's sword. He was about to use it as a vault when Mimiru grabbed it back.

"Hey!" She yelled, taking it back.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Kite screamed, falling face first on the floor. He look up and one of his teeth fell out.

"OH! I'M SUING!" Yelled Shugo from the audience, who jumped on Ouka's back. The two of them dashed out of the Legends set laughing about lawsuits.

"Bear, any ideas?" Mimiru asked.

Bear cupped his chin and thought. "Yes. We shall let the spirits take us over!"

Mimiru raised an eyebrow. "Spirits?"

"Yes!" Bear reached into his pocket, which he doesn't really have, and pulled out his portable Ouija Board. He placed it on the ground, sat down 'Indian Style' and began to chant. "Oooooooooweeeeeeeooooooouuuu." He moaned. For a second or two, nothing happened. Then all of a sudden, Bear lifted off the ground and magically floated across the moat. Mimiru stared in shock and horror as Bear just stood up and began dancing, like nothing had happened. "Just trust the spirits!"

"Ok..." Mimiru sat down near the board and waited...and waited...and waited...

"YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE SOUND!"

Mia walked over to the edge of the moat and looked in at the murky water. "I'm not touching that water..." She said, stepping away.

"We're not supposed to, anyway..." Elk reminded. The two began to pace back and forth thinking of a way to cross the moat. Elk couldn't think of anything, so he figured that it was best to take out some Aromatic Grass and smoke.

"ELK! NOT IN PUBLIC!" Mia yelled, trying to grab the joint of game grass away from Elk.

"Cat girl, like, don't ya know?" Elk said, his mind already warped. "If we smoke, ideas will come to us easy."

"Really?"

"Really."

Mistral was pacing back and forth. "Crim, any ideas?" She asked.

"Yeah, I could jump across..." Crim said, getting ready to jump. "What about you?"

"I know!" The wavemaster said, snapping her fingers. She reached into her pocket and pulled out some sparkles. "My newest rare item! Teleport ala Sparkles!"

"Wha?" Crim never got his answer, as Mistral just threw the sparkles into the air. She swung her staff around and- WHOOOSH! Crim and Mistral were now over on the other side of the moat. "Cool!" Crim said, dashing over to the gong and hitting it.

"Orange Team is the first across!" Balmung announced.

"WHAT?! NOOOO! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FIRST!" Ginkan yelled.

A20 stared at Ginkan and raised her eyebrow. "Who ARE you?"

"Quick! Do something to get us across!" A20 nodded and jumped across the moat with easy. "How did you do that?!" Ginkan asked in amazement.

"I'm a twinblade. I jump good!" She replied.

"Well, so is Kite..."

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Yelled Kite as he once again tried to jump over the moat, only to come splashing head first into the water.

"Well, ya..." A20 started, turning her gaze back to Ginkan. "But he's an idiot."

Subaru lifted her ax and pointed at Crim and Mistral. "Gasp! Did you see how they got across?!"

"Yup! Magic!" Tsukasa replied.

"Use your magic Tsukasa!"

"RIGHT!" Tsukasa lifted his staff in the air and summoned his Guardian. "Erm...Oops?"

"Can't you use Magic?" Subaru asked.

Tsukasa pondered this fact for a few seconds while his Guardian was moaning like a whale. "I think all I can do is summon my Guardian...geez, what a useless Wavemaster I am. BUT NOT TO WORRY! I have a plan!" The useless wavemaster quickly dashed off set and returned with women's clothes. He threw them into the air as the Guardian flew into them and got dressed.

"That's your plan?!" Subaru yelled. "To make your Guardian a Cross-dresser?!"

"Hey...I never said my plan was gonna help."

"Forgive my sudden use of Japanese words, but, BAKA!" She screamed, whacking Tsukasa on the head. Tsukasa's guardian didn't like this that much and data drained Subaru.

"LADY SUBURA AND/OR SUBARU-SAMA!" Ginkan screamed as he watched Subaru fall to the ground, dead. He lifted his sword and charged at the Guardian. "YOU BASTARD!"

"STOP!" Subaru yelled, jumping up and stopping Ginkan in his tracks. "I have risen from the dead. I am...SUBARU!" Ginkan and Tsukasa let out a long, blood curling scream as they stared in horror at the risen Subaru.

Meanwhile, Kite was still trying to jump across the water. And failing. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- Ouch!" He would scream over and over. Kite was about to try another jump across when Mimiru held her sword out and tripped Kite. The twinblade fell flat on his face and was knocked out.

"Great..." Blackrose muttered.

Mimiru chuckled at the KOed Kite and then went back to the task at hand. "Bear! It's not working!" She yelled, still trying to float.

"You're not making the sound!" Bear replied.

The Heavybalde took in a deep breath and hoped her reputation as the sane one wouldn't be ruined. "Ooooweeouuu..." She whispered. After a few seconds, she stood up and began to stab the Oujia board. "IT'S!" Stab "NOT!" Stab "WORK-" Stab "KING!" Stab.

Bear gasped at Mimiru. "Do you have any idea what you have just done?!" Bear said, backing up away from the side of the moat.

"No,...Why?"

The Ouija board suddenly came to life and began to float around Mimiru. "How dare you stab me! BEGON VILE WOMAN!" In a flash of white light, Mimiru had disappeared and the Ouija board fell into the moat. "AAAAH! I'M MELTING! MEEEEEEEEEELITING!" Screamed Ouija Board as he...or she...or it...melted.

"Hm... I wonder where he/she/it sent my teammate?"

---Antarctica---

"Hello!" Mimiru greeted the Eskimo cheerful. The Eskimo didn't respond, just stared at Mimiru. "Can you help me cross the moat?"

"STOP TALKING YOUR WIZARDRY!" Eskimo man yelled, running away from Mimiru.

---Legends of the Hidden Temple---

"HEY LOOK!" Elk yelled, pointing at nothing. "It's the meat bridge!"

Mia let out a loud gasp. "The meat bridge? Has it come to lead us over the water?!"

"Yes! It has!" The two of them cheered and ran across the 'meat bridge', which was never really there. See? Smoking Aromatic Grass can help you overcome the laws of physics.

"Somehow...I really don't know how...but the Green Monkeys have locked in second!" Balmung announced.

"DAMN! Okay..." Ginkan took in a deep breath. "I'm gonna try and swim it."

"You're not supposed to!" A20 yelled, but it was too late. Ginkan had already jumped head first into the moat. He stay underwater for a few seconds, then resurfaced, screaming and splashing about.

"HELP! HELP! I'M DROWNING! HELP!" He screamed, sinking under the water.

"Dude, the water is like...Three Feet...and you're like what? Five feet?" Balmung said, sighing at the stupid Silver Knight.

Ginkan stopped his scream and splashing for a second and stood up. "Oh..." He said calmly, turning back towards the other side of the moat. He suddenly stopped and began to 'drown' again. "HELP! HELP! THE WATER MAY BE THREE FEET, BUT YOU CAN DROWN IN ONE INCH OF WATER!"

"Weeeeeeeeeeeee!" Cheered Tsukasa and Subaru as they floated across the moat on the back of the Guardian. They reached the other side and Tsukasa dashed over and hit the gong, placing them in third.

"The Silver Snakes have locked in third! We're still waiting for one more team!" Yelled the host. Balmung looked over the remaining teams. Both Blackrose and Bear were both pacing back and forth yelling, 'What do I do? What do I do!?' and Ginkan was still trying to stay above the water. "Hm..." Suddenly, in a flash of light, Sora and BT appeared next to Balmung, wearing pink shirts. "Who are you guys?!"

"We are the pink panthers!" They said in unison.

"There were no pink pan-"

"There are now!" Sora yelled, hitting the Purple Parrot's gong.

Balmung shrugged and announced, "Well, it seems our fourth team is the Pink Panthers! Congratulations to the Green Monkeys, Orange Iguanas, Silver Snakes and Pink Panthers! The other teams won't go away empty handed, heres what we got for them!"

"THEY GOT A POKEMON CARD!" Aura yelled. "I THINK IT'S PIKACHU, I DON'T KNOW, IT'S VERY COMMON...BUT I DON'T CARE! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY TEMPLE!" The moat began to swirl around and look like someone had just pulled the plug. The water raised up high and grabbed all of the losing teams and sucked down and out of the temple.

"When we come back, these four teams will venture onto the next trial, the Steps of Knowledge! We'll be right back with more...Legends of the Hidden Temple!" Balmung waved the to camera as it floated away and went to commercial break.

To Be Continued...

Next Chapter- KNOWLEDGE

Tsukasa: -Jumps up and puts up a sigh reading:-

Five Seconds with Tsukasa! (It's really more then 5 seconds...DON'T JUDGE ME!)

Tsukasa: Hello everyone! It's me, the readers fav, TSUKASA! This is a new segment just for my fans. Yes, just for you. All of you. I love you all. Anyway, in this part of the story, I will answer any questions you reviewers have. So make it addressed to me, okay? Ya know, like this example:

_"Dear Tsukasa,_

_YOU ARE DA PWN MASTAAAAA! I LUV U! CUM HER AND KIZZ M33!!"_

Tsukasa: Yup. And I will kiss you. Yo-

And that has been: Five Seconds with Tsukasa! (It's really more then 5 seconds...DON'T JUDGE ME!)


	5. Knowledge

Disclaimer: STOP THIS! 

A/N: Sorry about the no update. I wasn't as much as 'Writer's Block' as it was 'Man, this chapter is fucking pissing me off'. You'll understand later. This chapter was sorta like the Chapter that you guys would all dread to have to write. Anyway, questions! YEY! Answers:

1) Yes I watch Family Guy if It's on. Why? o.O 2) Yup that's the show.

Oh, incase you forgot the winning teams:  
1- Green Monkeys (Elk, Mia)  
2- Orange Iguanas (Crim, Mistral)  
3- Silver Snakes (Tsukasa, Subaru)  
4- Pink Panthers (Sora, BT)

Last Thing, this chapter might be confusion.

_.hackBOREDOM  
_KNOWLEDGE

"Is it recording?"

"Yes..."

"Oh!" Balmung jumped in front of the camera. "Welcome back to Legends of the Hidden Temple! These four teams have past the moat, but now a even greater test awaits them...The Steps of Knowledge!" Thunder boomed, a woman screamed, and someone's nails ran down a chalkboard. The teams all stood on a staircase with only four steps, all of them standing on the top step while Balmung stood at the foot of the stairs. "The rules are simple. Aura will ask you a question about a legend we are about to hear. If you think you know the answer, step down on the marker in front of you."

"Like this!" Subaru said, stepping her little foot onto the marker, barely touching it.

"Yes. Like that...I guess... The first two teams to reach the bottom steps will go onto the temple games!"

"YEY!" Cheered the four teams.

Balmung walked over to Aura. "It's time for you to give us a little history-"

"SCREW YOU!" She yelled.

"Now, Now, Aura...That's not enough information..."

Aura rolled her eyes. "OK! IT'S THE KEY OF THE TWILIGHT...AND IT'S IN THE KINGS STOREROOM!" The camera panned to a room with 3 stands. On one of the stands rested a normal looking key with glitter on it.

"Okay then! Are you guys ready to begin!" Balmung asked, getting a cheer from the Audience and the winning teams. "I can't hear you!" This time he got a even louder cheer. "COME ON! I KNOW YOU CA- OOF!" Balmung was hit in the head by a beer can, causing the loudest cheer ever to be heard.

"OKAY! FIRST QUESTION!" Yelled Aura. "WHAT IS TSUKASA'S NAME!" Elk stepped on his tablet first. "Green Monkeys?" Balmung asked.

"Bob..." They both replied in unison.

"CORRECT!"

"Hey, wait, that's not right!" Balmung tried to argue, but shut up quickly after receiving a death glare from Aura. Elk and Mia cheered and took a step down.

"SORA IS A WHAT! CRIMSON/SCARLET/NOW BLUE KNIGHT, PLAYER KILLER, OR A GIDDY 4 YEAR OLD?"

Sora and BT slammed down on their tablet. "Pink Panthers?" Asked Balmung.

"A Giddy 4 Year Old." Sora replied.

"WRONG!" Tsukasa and Subaru stepped down on their tablet.

"Silver Snakes?"

Subaru jumped up and down. "Like, Oh my gawd, this is like, soooooo simple. He's a Crimson/Scarlet/Now Blue Knight, Duuuuuuuh!"

"WRONG! YOU ALL SUCK!" Aura screamed, scaring Balmung to no end. "NEXT QUESTION, WHO IS MY FATHER!"

The four teams paused for a second, then Mistral stepped down on her tablet. "Orange people?"

"Um..." Mistral and Crim whispered to each other for a second, the Crim leaned forward. "Dare?"

"WRONG!" Mia stepped down on her tablet.

"Green Monkeys?" Balmung asked.

"Your father..." Elk paused for a second. "Is your daddy." The audience gasped at Elk's wisdom.

"CORRECT!"

The Green Monkeys cheered and took another step down. "And just like that, The Green Monkeys are only one step away from entering Aura's temple." Balmung announced. "Still enough time for the other teams. Next question."

"GENTALMEN! BEHOLD!" Aura said, raising her arm and making a giant rat appear. The rat gave a roar and ran off, not to be seen again for a few chapters. The teams just stared at Aura in confusion. "WRONG! NEXT QUESTION! WHAT IS THE BEST MMORPG EVER MADE!"

Tsukasa stepped down on the tablet. "Easy!" He said. "It's FFXI, Duuuuuuuh."

"Duuuuuuuh." Added Subaru.

"Duuuuuuuh." Replied Tsukasa.

"Duuuuuuuh." Subaru interjected, flipping her hair.

"Duuuuuuuh." They both said in unison.

"CORRECT!" Aura announced, letting Tsukasa and Subaru move down their first step. "HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING UP?" The girl yelled, hiding her hands behind her back. Sora and BT were the first to lock in.

"Seven?" BT asked.

"WRONG!"

Crim and Mistral hit their tablet next. "We can't see your hands..." Crim said.

"CORRECT!" The Orange Iguana cheered and took a step down.

"Correct?" Balmung asked in a surprised yet confused tone. "What the hell kind of questions are you ask-"

"SILENCE, YOU FOOLISH FOOL!"

"Okay, Okay!" Whimpered the system admin, as he ran off into a corner to hide.

Aura cleared her throat and continued. "HOW MUCH WOOD COULD A WOODCHUCK CHUCK IF..."

Mia and Elk locked in rather fast this time. "If a woodchuck could chuck wood." Elk answered.

"CORRECT!"

Some funky music plays as Elk and Mia take their last step down. "Well, it seems we have our first team! The Green Monkeys! We are still waiting for one more. Who wil-"

"I TOLD YOU TO BE QUIET!"

Balmung rolled his eyes. "Okay. Whatever."

"WHAT IS THE SERECT OF THE UNIVERSE!"

The teams paused and thought about it for a second. Tsukasa hit his tablet. "Silver Snakes?"

"The secret of the universe, is so simple, that it just might drive you guys insane." He explained. "Are you sure you want to hear it?"

"YES!"

Tsukasa took in a deep breath. "Okay. The secret of the universe is... pie..." The audience 'ooooh'ed and 'aaaah'ed at Tsukasa's intellect.

"CORRECT!" Barked the floating girl. Tsukasa and Subaru took their steps down and smiled. "NEXT QUESTION! WHY IS THE SKY BLUE?"

This time, the Pink Panthers answered. "It's blue because I, Gaia, The Spirit of the Earth, made it blue." BT said.

"CORRECT!"

Sora and BT gave each other a high five, then stepped down another step. "Just one more right answer for the Silver Snakes. The other teams can still catch up."

"NEXT QUESTION! WHO IS MY FATHER!"

"Uh, Aura, you did this one already." Balmung whispered, as to not piss off Aura anymore.

"OH. WRONG! NEXT QUESTION! WHAT IS 100x48x59x92x3x293x23x2891x6x29!"

A Silence fell over the studio. No one moved. No one took a breath. Until, one brave .hacker hit their tablet. "Silver Snakes!"

"264,969,037,035,763,200!" Subaru said with a smile.

All eyes fell upon Aura. "...SHE IS CORRECT!"

Cue funky music. Tsukasa and Subaru took their last step down, then began to jump and cheer with Elk and Mia. "Congratulations Green Monkeys and Silver Snakes!" Balmung announced, walking over to the winning teams. "Oh, but Orange Iguanas and Pink Panthers, don't think you guys are going home empty handed! Aura, tell them what they've won!"

"YOU'VE WON A PENNY! IT'S A LITTLE GREEN CAUSE I FOUND THEM ON THE WAY HERE. BUT I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! GET OUT!"

Balmung gave a fake cheesy laugh. "When we get back from the commercial breaks, the Silver Snakes will go head to head with the Green Monkeys. But only one can enter the Hidden Temple!"

To Be Continued... Next Chapter- TEMPLE

A/N: Sorry guys. This isn't really the chapter I think you guys were waiting for. The reason it is so short is because It was suppose to be part of the last chapter, 'Legend'. Sorry. Now that It will be easier to write stuff, I'll be able to get up the next chapter quicker. Oh yeah:

Tsukasa: -Jumps up and pulls up a sign reading:-

Five Seconds with Tsukasa! (It's really more then 5 seconds... DON'T JUDGE ME!)

Tsukasa: Welcome! We're going to start the first chapter of FSWT(IRMT5S...DJM). Ahem. First Reviewer question comes from Roy?Link?EITHERONEISGOOD. Meh, Ness is the best. Anyway, he wrote:

_"Tsukasa,  
My little brother is so annoying... would you give me some advice? Or beat him up for me? PUHH-LLEAASE! Me mesa,  
LRC "_

Tsukasa: Oooh, little brothers suck. I'd beat him up for you, but I'm book solid. -Holds up his notepad- See? -Opens it and all the pages are blank- ...See? Anyway, here is what you do. You put some sleeping powder in his milk. Then, when he falls asleep, you tie him up, kidnap him and hold him for ransom. Your family will have to pay you, because they know you're crazy. You're reading this story. Once you get the money, you hide your brother in a closet then run away and start up a new life. There! Easy as pie! NEXT QUESTION! This is from Tristezza.

_"Dear Tsukasa,  
May I have permission to attack some guy at school for pissing me off constantly day after day?"_

Tsukasa: My dear Tristezza. You have my blessings. Go. Go and show him what you can do. NEXT QUESTION! Wait...that's it! AAAH! THATS NOT ENOUGH! Okay, readers, listen. You guys better leave me some questions! I command it! No, not only I, but so does the... Seductive Twinkie! -Holds up a Twinkie- ... -Brings to wiggle the Twinkie back and forth and speak in a girly voice-

Seductive Twinkie: Oooh, Readers. You make me so hot. Leave questions and I'll take off my wrapper. If you know what I mean.

Tsukasa: -Normal- Ooooh boy, Seductive Twinkie, you slut! You've heard the girl! RE-

And that has been: Five Seconds with Tsukasa! (It's really more then 5 seconds... DON'T JUDGE ME!)


End file.
